Make a commitment to the only person you know will be with you for the rest of your life. 100% commitment, 100% guarantee they will be there to the end of your days. Have someone in mind? If you haven’t immediately thought of yourself, you have some work to do.
Procuring self-love is often thought of as selfish. It seems we are much more comfortable carrying the love for other than for ourselves. Have you ever thought about who will be there for YOU fiercely forever, through sickness and in health, thick and thin? 100% guaranteed? What guarantees are there in life? That you will wake up with, spend every moment of the day, with yourself.
Ultimately we are all responsible first for ourselves. It is worth remembering you are instructed in case of an airplane emergency, to apply your breathing apparatus before assisting anyone else including your child. That can weigh heavily on people, how can we be expected to put ourselves first?
Depression can be thought of as having less space available for extra emotions. In figure 1 three circles depict different states of being. The first is the average person. the inner circle represents what they need to deal with. The distance between the inner and outer circle is the space they have to deal with the outside world. In the second circle the inner circle takes up so much space there is very little left to deal with the oncoming traffic of day to day life. This representation of the experience of depression could also be extended to people in our society that deal with repression on a daily basis. The third circle represents someone who has taken the time to deal with their own needs. It is clear the third circle has much more space available to deal with the oncoming traffic of real life.
“Do you realize, that everyone you know someday, will die”? It is good to recognize this. You need to respect the person who will never die within your lifetime, yourself. Nourishing that relationship gives you more space to enjoy your relationships with others.
Become another person for you to love. Can you manage your expectations, find acceptance for where you are and commit yourself to working towards being the person you think you can love? Fall in love with your own virtues.
If you stop looking at someone else for validating your existence you will have more space and ability to appreciate the reality of another human and love them as they are. That doesn’t have to be restrained to a sexual partner, but a solid foundation within yourself allows you more ability to give love to everyone that comes into your life.
This Valentines Day Noorish wants to encourage you to spend some time working on your own self-love. Even if you have a partner to celebrate with we encourage you to give yourself a little extra TLC, to show up within your relationship with more integrity, and a little more to give.
Great ways of giving yourself self-love
- Take some time to write out what you want your life to look like 5 years from today. Indulge in where you are going, put all your desires in there. This is part of committing yourself to your best self. Write out all the hobbies you practice, and what an average day in your ideal projection of your life looks like
- take some time to do one of your favourite things, maybe you love knitting, or cooking, or taking a bath